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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Britton » Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:57 pm

I know yall might say its none of my business, but in kind of a way it is, and this situation worries me. Okay basically I'm having to stay at my moms uouse for a short bit til my husband can get us a house. We just moved from a different state and he just got a new job. Ok well my broher and his wife and child have been living at my moms back and forth. I've got my 3 kids as well, plus my older brother is also staying here until August, when he takes a medical exam to get verified as a doctor assistant. Ugh. I know, to much. But ok, anyway my brother Adam has a daugher E. And this is the parenting situation I keep seeing. Adam, his wife, and E sleep all in the same bed. She is 4 about to be 5. They don't have a bedtime for her and let her stay up all hours of the night, they don't make her finish her food and indulge in her pickiness. They allow her to eat tons of ketchup, sugary snack, etc and never make her eat healthy. They don't punish her, but just yell at her. She gets up several timea during meals, and always runs to her mom when she wants her way. Now my kids see al of this and I do things completely different. I make them eat their food, they have a bedtime, and I discipline them too. also I've never let them sleep in my bed. Now my brother and his wofe think they arent doing any wrong. Plus my brother has a bad vascular condition and is hooked on pain meds. when he takes them, he is super loopy and doesn't parent at all and sometimes drives while loopy. So hopefully you see why I'm worried. I told my husband that if anything ever happened to my brother and his wife, that someone else would be landed with this child who is so used to being spoiled and that is going to cause so many problems. Plus as she gets older, I guarantee that she will become a problem teenagers and get herself in trouble. So what do you think about all this?
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Adiran » Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:58 pm

Since all those adults are living at your mom's house, it sounds like she is pretty indulgent herself.

Not your problem.
You parent your children, and let them parent theirs, although you might try to step in if your brother is driving while high.

If it causes problems with your children, then rent your own place until you can buy.
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Awst » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:00 pm

Your place is not to judge them, their parenting skills, or their child.
She is not your responsibility.
If you feel she is at risk, then you can talk to your brother and his wife about it, gently, but there is not much you can do other than to call the authorities (Children's Aid Society, Dept of Child and Family Services, the police, etc.
whatever is available in your area).

This is the perfect opportunity to teach YOUR children about how the "rules" are different everywhere, and the just because they see someone doing something else, doesn't mean they are allowed to do it as well.
Your children must follow YOUR rules, always, regardless of what other people/children are doing.
The sooner they learn this rule the better.
All children will be spoiled at the grandparents' house but when they come home, they must remember that the rules are different.
Same thing at school - you might help them put on their clothes and wipe their butts at home, but at school they are expected to do these things themselves.
Its time for your kids to see how other people live, that everyone is different, and that they are expected to follow YOUR rules, and "but she doesn't have to" is not an excuse to get out of their responsibilities/routines.

Hope you get into your own home very, very soon.
Good luck!
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Cruim » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:07 pm

living together certainly makes it harder.. just remember you have control over YOUR children and how they are brought up.. its a touchy subject to try and tell someone what they are doing wrong to raise their kids..
all you can do is make sure E's bad habits dont rub off on your kids..

as far as the pain meds/driving goes, though its scary, i would say if he plans on driving ALONE let him.. if he has the idea to get behind the wheel with someone else or possibly his child then maybe suggest (in a non confrontational way or to his wife) that its not such a good idea..

though be careful.. people on opiates/pain meds are hard to predict how they may react to something like that..

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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Everton » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:08 pm

i do agree that they should be enforcing some rules and healthy eating habits but in saying this everyone has there own parenting style and yes it might not be up to your standard but it seems to be working for them as long as they aren't abusing there child or neglecting her or putting her at risk then there obviously isn't a problem.. as for making assumptions about a child who is only 4 is horrible im sure you wouldn't like it done to your children. how about giving suggestions & ideas about healthy eating , sleeping etc to the parents they might just take a little advice .

good luck & take care
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby avichai » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:09 pm

It's clearly not the ideal situation for anybody, particularly your poor Mother.

It sounds like your brother and his wife lack parenting skills.
While there is nothing wrong with co-sleeping with a 4 year old in my opinion, there obviously are better strategies for discipline than yelling.
This poor child needs some limits, guidelines, structure, consistency and positive role models.
sounds like she's lacking all of the above.

As far as what yiou can do about it? Not much, as she is not your child.
With the exception of being hooked on pain meds and driving while on pain meds, he is not doing anything outside of the law, or anything htat would constitute abuse or neglect.
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Barrington » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:12 pm

J, we have all pointed out that she needs better parenting and how, but like I said they act like nothing is wrong. Honestly I believe they don't want to put forth the energy of raising her right. They are doing what I call, Loose Parenting. And as for my kids, I judge them all on my own. Two of mine have special needs and my youngest mimics their bad behaviors, so I already know if I can't get my children to control themselves, that they wil become problem children too.
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Shicheii » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:20 pm

i think you have a right to be worried

1) he shouldn't be driving while he's high

2) E should be disciplined at least a little more than she is and you can help in that a little when they're not around.

3) I think that she'll be a bully type character if she isn't disciplined enough and that leads to even more problems

I'd handle it before she gets to unruly.
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What Do You Think Of This Parenting Situation?

Postby Marceau » Sat Sep 09, 2017 1:21 pm

So many people living under the same roof is bound to stir up this kind of tension.
Sound alike you have no choice so grit your teeth, be totally decisive on your rules for your kids and try not to dwell on what they are doing.
I guarantee you if you lived under my roof or many other people's roofs you would balk at our parenting styles and family dynamics.
Behind closed doors, parenting styles are all over the place and none of us are perfect!

Also, have you ever heard the saying:

"sometimes it is easier to focus on the little fires burning in the yard than to have to turn around and see the house is burning down"
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