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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Roosevelt » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:15 pm

Friday will be a year since my husbands affair. He told me a month later after the affair.


I stayed with him for the sake of are child who is only 2.


My problem is it still hurts and i still have a lot of anger toward her and him. I know people say don't hate her. I don't hate her for having sex with my husband. But trying to destroy my family. She tryed to get my daughter to call her mom. Said she was pregnant with twins which turned out to be false. Called and stalked him showed up at my house after he cut things off with her when I was not home.

I just can't get her out of my head. Her daughter is my sister in laws step daughter. So i have to be around her child often if I want to see my nieces and nephews. I try not to hold it against her little girl but its so hard not too. She has been a big factor in my life this year. A lot of people i talk to tell me to just get over it. But i just can't just recently i found out what she looks like. She is a lot skinner then me. I have all ways had a bad body image and had a eating disorder in the past. It is starting to surface back. Since I have seen her picture. Am i just going crazy or do i have every right to be this way.
Roosevelt
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Banjamino » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:19 pm

Christina, honey, you MUST do something to be able to get this taken care of for your own good. It's like a disease that's literally eating away at you. Unfortunately also having it be a "family related" situation of sorts, it's easier said than done. I KNOW how it feels to be cheated on as my ex husband was a constant cheater, diagnosed by a Professional as a "womanizer" & to get Professional help for it along with his drinking which is what I blamed it on. I knew some of the girls he cheated on with me, even found I was working with one. So I too well KNOW a bit of how you feel. Ours ended in a divorce as I was NOT going to put up with it any longer. Felt like a ton of bricks rolled off my shoulders when I finally accepted the facts. I truly do feel a Professional counselor just could be your option that WOULD be of help to you. I sure did my fair share of it, I KNOW it DOES help. Why don't you do yourself a BIG favor & set up a mtg. with a counselor. Go to a good few sessions. They KNOW how to do things the rite way, the rite things to tell you to finally set yourself FREE of it ALL. You MUST do something, honey, you cannot keep let it getting to you as it is. Your husband DOES love you, that you KNOW or he wouldn't have chosen you to try to work things out with you. You two do deserve happiness & love for a loving family for your daughter to be bro't up in. You don't want this to affect her either in any way. Do it NOW & make up your mind you ARE going to conquer it, you're going to get rid of that load you're carrying around once & for all. I don't doubt for a minute you CAN do it with the proper help. PLEASE for the sake of ALL of you, pick up that phone, make the first step of healing yourself. I KNOW if I did it, believe me, anyone could do it after ALL I lived with for 12 long yrs. Make that call & FREE yourself. I have all the confidence in you that you CAN & that you WILL do it. Make that call NOW!!! Your call to your freedom...I SO wish you all the best, honey...:)
Banjamino
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Daunte » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:21 pm

It's perfectly normal to be hurt 1 year later, it is something you will remember for the rest of your life.
Just remember once a cheater always a cheater.
It is also normal to be upset with both of them, but don't let it get to you and eat you away.
You live and you learn and need to move on, focus all of your anger into something healthy like working out or running.
Not only is it a great conduit to get rid of that frustration but it will self improve at the same time.
Daunte
 
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Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 9:16 am

Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Goddard » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:22 pm

One Year After The Affair
Goddard
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Jadon » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:23 pm

me personally i would have left regardless of children, without them knowing he betrayed them too, and if she knew he was a married man i would hate her too. i could never forgive or forget something like that it would eat at me to no end and constantly looking over my back. but you decided to stay, try and get some help the both of you and if you decide that you cant stay and ovrcome this then its ok to find someone new. to me a year is nothing, that pain still sometimes feel jus has fresh as the day it happened. but it sounds like you are letting it fester, get some help and then go from there. i wish you the best of luck and hope you find happiness xxxx
Jadon
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Ambrosio » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:24 pm

It is perfectly normal for you to still be hurt and angry.
I disagree with a few comments, "once a cheater always a cheater" or "you should have just left".
Listen, you and your husband are the only people who know what your marriage is really like.
There are many things that go on in marriages that either enable, push or cause affairs.
None of them are acceptable but at the same time, an affair does not have to mean the end of a marriage either.
A trust was broken by your husband and it will take time for that wound to heal.
You will never forget what happened but in time you may be able to forgive him.
He may be a better husband after it, realizing what a great wife you are.
Or he may be the type that just can't do the marriage thing.
You need to find out which one he is.
I highly recommend good communication and counseling would not hurt either.
As for the woman, sure, forgive her but you don't have to like her or ever allow her near your family again.


Now, if you are concerned with your looks, then use the anger to motivate you to change.
Eat better, exercise, get in shape, but do it for yourself, not to please your husband.
If you just can't move past the hurt or your husband just can't be faithful, then you will either have to live with it or move on.
I wish you the very best!
Ambrosio
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Ardley » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:27 pm

People telling you to ?move on? is like saying for you to get up and walk but you have no legs. The only way you guys will get through this break in trust is through hard work, especially on his part. This affair has to be talked out once and for all in order for you to when you understand who, what when where and why. He has to be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust in your marriage and a big part of that is not doing anything to evoke any suspicions on your part. THIS must be a given...until the trust is once again reinstated.

IF he is genuinely contrite, he will step up to the plate and he will try to sooth your pain with love and attention. However you do have an obligation to NOT carve him up when he is try to talk about sensitive issues in this affair. Allow him to get it all out and this should allow you to forgive, which I don't think you have. THIS does not mean forget..that takes time.

We all stumble now and then, if you want this to work?it can.
Ardley
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Caradoc » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:30 pm

I don't understand what you mean when you say you 'moved on'? Normally someone would say that when they divorced. It sounds like you went into denial - also not uncommon. The problem with that is the dynamic in your marriage remains unchanged, due to the denial over what happened, so the pressures in it pushing you apart remain in place and are now exacerbated by the affair fallout (making it even harder to make the changes you need to). He is always going to care about her and occasionally he is going to bump into her. She is now more-or-less an amiable ex-gf. Apparently he is attractive enough to keep landing new woman as well. For him it is a matter of >choosing< to put you first, which he does not appear to be doing. Why? I know everyone else is going to say 'Move on!!!' but I see a little deeper and see you have trouble relating to people, even your husband or especially your husband, and probably are depressed much of the time. This is not "your fault"; you are who you are, but it is still your responsibility to do something about it. As the spouse of such a person I can tell you that it is incorrigible; you are married yet still very alone and 'not allowed' to date and no matter your willpower you can only live like that for so long before you just can't take it anymore. Then the decisions is divorce? or cheat? I've been a kick for a while trying to make my marriage better, but in the end it just highlights how polarized the marriage is. I cannot make it better on my own.
Caradoc
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Beth » Fri Oct 13, 2017 11:47 pm

It is very hard to get over a cheating loved one but a year may be a bit long. I would say that since it's pretty much in your face all of the time maybe seek a professional to get some ideas on how to deal with those situations. On the other hand not everyone is the same and maybe you just deal with things differently. For me I would forgive but NOT forget. This person is lucky that they actually had a second chance.
Beth
 
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Should I Still Be Hurt 1 Year After Husbands Affair.?

Postby Rocco » Sat Oct 14, 2017 12:15 am

I would be angry and I would have left him the day I found out about the affair.


But you chose to stay with him so you need to suck it up. You stayed with him so all those people who tell you to get over it are right. If you cant get over it then you should have left his sorry *** when he did it.

Listen to Jeff. He is right and you cant let it bring you down either way. Whats done is done and why should you keep living feeling this way. Life goes on, so chose how you want yours to go....let it go and make yourself happy with other things.

Good Luck!
Rocco
 
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Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2014 11:46 am

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