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Long Distance Relationship, Dealing With Depression?

Long Distance Relationship, Dealing With Depression?

Postby Farall » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:12 am

*[I have cross posted this in "Family and Relationships" as well as here]

My boyfriend "S" and I are in a long distance relationship. He broke up with me on Valentines day after one year of being together saying he could not do this. I know he has been suffering from depression for a while and is unwilling to do anything about it. He lost his sex drive some months ago. He finds it difficult to concentrate. His head is filled with negative fears and thoughts. He is terrified that I will die on him (I have a heart problem). He has body image issues and no amount of gymming seems to cheer him up. He lives all alone and rarely leaves the house (except for school and sometimes after-school work). In fact, his friends do call him out for parties/hang out but he hasn't been in a large social gathering for AGES now.

He broke up with me very cruelly, telling me he didn't need a girlfriend in his life anymore and he needed me to not be his partner but instead be his best friend in the world. At first I thought he was just being a jerk. But I see all the signs in him that my father and brother both go through when clinical depression hits them, all the signs I've listed above, plus a pretty unpleasant personality change (which is what "S" is showing). I have lived with depression in my family. Depression is like any illness. I know he wouldn't desert me if I was ill and I figured I shouldn't desert him either.

It broke my heart but I said I wouldn't cut him out, I would be his friend through this. He said he appreciates that. As of now, our tone is very formal. I want to know, how long do you think he will continue in this way? How long till he realises that I love him more than a friend and that he did once? Is there any place for ego games in this situation? What would you have done?
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Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 8:46 am

Long Distance Relationship, Dealing With Depression?

Postby Raoul » Wed Sep 06, 2017 2:13 am

If this guy has been depressed for more than six months straight, then there is a good chance that he has Major Depression which is a chronic disease which runs in families and requires daily medication to regulate the patient and relieve the symptoms.

Now, the important thing here is the fact that he refuses to do anything about it and will not get proper medical care for his chronic illness.
And so, he is like a diabetic who refuses their medication and diet.
They'll never be well and functional.

How long will he continue this way? How long (in his lifetime) has he been depressed?

What would I have done? I would tell him that his friendship is important to me but that he has let his chronic illness come between us.
And unless he is going to get it under medical control, it will always be between us and will effect our relationship for the worse.

I would put the ball squarely in his own court where it belongs.

It is HIS responsibility to help himself and he refuses to do this for some reason.
You're not his Mommy and you can't make him take his medication and be well.
Understand this.

I wish you and him all the best.

He has made his choice.
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Joined: Thu Feb 06, 2014 3:10 pm

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