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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby cheche20 » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:33 pm

I'm an easygoing, sweet person but what many guys don't know about me (and will eventually learn) is that I'm a very strong-willed person. I'm very independent minded, don't like to be bothered 24-7 or have my time wasted, like my "me time" and am not overly dependent. I'm learning that I need somewhat of a strong and secure partner. If I'm with someone who is strong/secure with himself and with who I am, I would give him such high respect and admiration and that's when I'll have no problem compromising and sacrificing for and it won't always be "my way or the highway".

No one is perfect and i definitely understand it. We will always have our things we will be insecure about. I'm not your typical girl who's childish and dramatic. The guys I've dealt with (now that I realize it) have been so immature, not confident, overly dependent, and clingy. My first ex-boyfriend waaay back into my teen years had "body image/confidence" issues. I learned more and more how insecure he was about that and how he tried to bring me down with it. When people would try to bring me down behind my back (for being myself), he would easily get influenced and bring me down with them. I also dated a guy a year ago who had napoleon complex and was overly dependent, clingy... he couldn't function without having someone with him... I realize as I grow, I was probably attracting those guys because I was similar to them but I'm at the point where I'm wanting the real thing and will not settle at all. I need someone who is able to put me in my place (when I need it) without making me feel inferior to him; someone who understands I need my "me time" as much as he does; someone who is educated and ambitious as I am (bc then he'll understand and support me, as I will for him): I need someone who is humbly confident (not too much) and grounded as I am. It's such a turn off knowing a guy is "more of a girl" than I am - if he has a catty bone in his body, not as confident as I am, not as strong as I am (and I mean this in the most humble way)... I'm probably wishing for mountains of impossibility but worth a shot, right? (And to defend the guys, I'm sure they feel this way about some girls too)...
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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby avichai61 » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:35 pm

Now that you have vented, lets have some dinner.
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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby fergusson » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:38 pm

I'm not sure but I think you just described yourself as your ideal mate.
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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby berenger86 » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:43 pm

Yeah baby. If ur a girl. I'll show u one of those strong and secure men.
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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby wynton » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:47 pm

hmm, one of the greatest misconceptions of the human mind, or rather, everyday people, is that they do not understand what it is to be in a relationship. While I will commend you for knowing what it is you want, and what it is you do not want, whether or not it is something uniquely distinguishable is up for debate. Anyone can tell you what they want, or what they do want.

In order to have a relationship with another human being, one needs to give and take 'logically' and 'reasonably'. Like Soulman said, you seem to have described yourself as being your best mate. That being said, Relationships, or the person you want, aren’t 'found'. Relationships are built. While you're absolutely correct in the example of your relationship with 1st boyfriend being something no one should aspire to have; You have to fully understand what's at work here when looking for a partner.

To me personally, your wants are quite legit. Here is where there’s a fault though; Like you said, you probably are asking for the mountains of what have you, you are. You seem to think having a relationship like that is a birth right to you and you deserve it. while everyone deserves the best, you have to understand like I've said in the above paragraph, relationships aren't found, but built. These men may not have what you wanted, and you came to terms with it and gave examples with what is wrong with all of them. Fair game. But here's where I'm a little worried, you said nothing about how you tried to build the relationship with these men you dated. You only gave examples of how they pretty much wasted your time; Not saying they didn’t, but there’s two sides to a coin.

To have a relationship like you one you explain, you need to build a foundation for it to be possible. Despite popular belief by most women, you're not going to wake one day and find Mr. Right, or find a "confident man". Our life experiences mold how we are and behave. Based on your expectation of a relationship; I'm willing to bet you perhaps scared of some of the men you might have dated with expecting too much out of a single human being. Not to say you are a bad person or anything of the like, but I can identify quite a few that would send me in the other direction as a confident and fairly strong willed person.

That being said, a relationship is just that, a 'relationship'. Having "me time" is fine only in relationships that are unstable. No one in a good relationship wishes to have "me time". You have a relation to the person you're with and you work towards building the relationship beyond just appearance or other shallow values so it can flourish when the initial stages of love have faded. I don’t know the details of your relationships, but it doesn’t appear building your relationship was the fundamental objective.

I'll also add, you don’t seem to know or understand what it is you want from a person either. You want someone who is confident, but, "not too much". How can that be? if you ask me, that’s a "my way of the highway" approach to seeing other people. As a person, you do have the right to want what you want, but knowing when to give and pull would also be beneficial to you yourself as well; Not just the guys who appear to 'all' have issues with you.

I'm almost sure this wont be the response you’re looking for, but if anything you've said holds any ground, you’ll realize the guy you seem to describe in wanting, similarly, wont see eye to eye with your sometimes unrealistic demands; And I hope you'll at least learn 1 or 2 things from what I spent time writing.
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Is there such a thing as a strong and secure man?

Postby talyessin » Sat Oct 15, 2011 1:49 pm

Sorry to dissapoint you, but with that question your going to get all the weasels coming out of the woodwork claiming 'they are it'. Truth is he is out there, whether you will ever meet is another question.
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