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"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

Postby Gwyngad » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:04 am


I am a fifteen yr. old girl that is currently enrolled in one of the top 500 public schools in the US. I am a straight-A honors student, currently ranked number 1 in my freshman class.

I have been doing many great things (community service, helping, tutoring, giving out to the world, being a religious person, etc.)

However, I have a self-image problem, which is causing me to "hate" myself.

You may think why I "hate" myself. Well, I "hate" myself because I want to be physically beautiful.

Since everybody has their own perspective of physical beauty, I would like to share mine:

1. An individual that is healthy and fit

2. An individual that is curvy/hourglass (female)

3. Hair that is long, shiny, silky, and has lots of volume

4. A face with a nice complexion, youthful appearance, and good skin quality

5. Bright eyes that have long eyelashes and a nice eye shape

6. Full, kissable lips

7. Eyebrows that have a nice, natural shape & do not need to be waxed/threaded.

8. A person that looks pretty when they're wearing their pajamas with their hair uncombed, no makeup needed, etc.

9. A person that has a UNIQUE and ONE-OF-A-KIND beauty.

So, I want to be -naturally- and physically beautiful.

I don't like to post my picture online due to my privacy, but let me explain my physical attributes

1. Short- 5 foot tall

2. Black hair (sometimes dark brown due to sunny California weather,) shiny, smooth and soft. People say that my hair is thick. My hair does not have volume...

I am growing out my hair so it can be waist-length.

3. I am at a healthy weight of 110 pounds. My body would be a perfect hourglass if I wore a corset; I do not own one and I never wore one.

4. My skin color is light brown. (I am proud of my skin tone!)

5. People say that my face shape is either oval and diamond... but I see a chubby-ish face in the mirror. I honestly can't tell.

6. My eyes are normal in size, and they are almond-shaped. My eyes are brown. I just wish that I had longer eyelashes. If I get less than 8 hours of sleep, my eyes look pink.

7. My nose is long and pointy (I find this unique). People say that I have a good nose because it is not flat and it has a nice shape. I have to exercise often to keep my nose lookin' nice, though.

8. I am glad to say that I have full lips! :) I just need to wear lip balm more often. :)

9. Eyebrows. I can't explain them. I once thought they were bushy until I met a girl that had bushier eyebrows. She looked with her eyebrows because they had a nice shape.


My eyebrows are similar to Catherine Zeta-Jones. The difference would be that mines are bushier and that Catherine's eyebrows are upward.

Getting back on topic, I "hate" myself because I want to be that naturally beautiful person I picture in my head.

I guess I can't get it because an individual can't have EVERYTHING in the world.

(Well, I do not have everything in the world since my family is poor. My parents moved here from a third world country in the late 80's. My mom didn't finish her college ed; she only got her AA degree. My dad studied at a University back in Asia.)

After coming home from school today, I realized that I needed to love myself first if I wanted someone to love me.

I often feel lonely at times. I would appreciate if I had a boy that fell in love with me. I had a young gentleman fall in love with me, but conflict rose when my mom found out about him.

I have two friends at school. However, we don't hang out at the movies, go shopping together, or do those teenage things friends do outside of school..

I can't truly announce if they are my real friends; I still say they are because they listen to me.



*Sorry about the grammatical errors*
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Joined: Fri Feb 21, 2014 9:56 am

"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

Postby Sigifrid » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:08 am

mot everyone can be beautifull ( im an example ) but you have to understand that u are who u are and u sould fell proud of everithing that is u.

btw from the things u have written. there are waaaaaay uglier people than u so dont worry ur fine. ;)

ps : not every teenager goes to movies or shopping with friends
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Joined: Thu Feb 13, 2014 5:08 pm

"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

Postby Brus » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:15 am

You can not love yourself not because you think you're ugly, but because you do not conform to your ideal of beauty.
I would reckon there is a load of women out there who would give up their false eyelashes to be in your position. In a year or two times you are going to look back and think, did I really write that question.
Talk about spoilt kid.

So you lack in looks.
Good looking people only happen in films.
Get on a bus and count the beautiful people.
They are surprisingly rare.

Get hold of things that really matter, like personality, like kindness, and faithfulness, and honesty and truth, and hard work and diligence.

Be the person that is appreciative, be the person that is understanding, be the person that is helpful.

Anyway you have got it wrong.
That loving yourself first before you love others is not correct. We love because God first loved us.
To know that you are loved is the basis of loving.
Even those who advocated attachment such as Bowlby recognised the importance of a mothers affections to her infant, for the best adjustment of a child.

So what are you saying, yes mum and dad you have raised me, showing me love and affection, now I am in pole position at college, but you didn't give me the right set of genes....

Go on get a life.
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Joined: Wed Apr 16, 2014 1:54 pm

"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

Postby Felton » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:18 am

First thing to improve your self is to drop religion. Religion is like Poison.

Then Let go of your ego.


love is really an illusion?.

?a conditional & controlling, selfish, self-sacrificing emotion.

If you really love someone, you need to give them total freedom, to do as they please, because you want her/him to be happy, even if it is at your expense, even if it means she/he has an affair. You should be very happy for that person because you love that person and your concern is her/his happiness. The problem is that your ego gets in the way and your feelings get hurt,when things do not go your way. But, is that love

The only true love is the unconditional love you have for your children

but when they grow up, they don't need you anymore so your unconditional love is just wasted on them.

Real sad, I know, but it is the truth.
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Joined: Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:34 am

"in Order For Someone To Love You, Love Yourself First." How Can I Learn To Accept Myself?

Postby Lancelot » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:30 am

Oh my dear, if you can't love yourself, God have mercy on others around you. One is first urged to love herself, and then yes, she can extend a little of that love to others. I guess one can't love another if she or he does not love him or herself. Have you taken a hard look at yourself lately? People somehow forget for too long to look at themselves. Go ahead, it's perfectly okay to look at yourself in the mirror and have a conversation with yourself. People tend to believe that communication is effective only with others. Think of how effective is communication within the family. Very effective! But I bet you have never heard of how effective is communication between you and yourself. It is, my dear. Try sometimes. That's how I build my self-esteem and do some self-therapy. Talk to yourself viva voce about the content of your second paragraph above. Put those adjectives into questions to yourself and pause every after each question and demand an answer. That's self-therapy. I am sure you'll feel better. If you get embarrassed wait till you are alone and do it freely. Now, Good luck!
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