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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Stefon » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:18 pm

I have been married for 3 years now, together for 5 1/2 years. Up until 3weeks ago everything was perfect (or so I thought). It started out with me finding out he had feelings for a mutual friend who came back into our lives 3months ago. He said they didn't mean anything but if he weren't married to me they would probably be together - which hurt me. But I understand that he is married not dead, so feelings will come and go. Problem is, he refuses to stop talking to her, he hasn't seen her one on one since this all came out, but he talks to her everyday. & on the weekends he will see her in a group situation (which I have stopped going to).


Next thing I find out he is so depressed about how we have to have IVF in 4months, we have been on the waiting list for 2 years and now he decides not to go through with it.


Then he tells me that living with me has been hell (I have OCD and Anorexia & Bulimia tendancies) - I have been in treatment for a year and have gotten soo much better, only need treatment for 10 more weeks and I will be recovered. But he doesn't seem to see that.

I have done everything to be a good wife to him, he is an only child so has always been spoiled and thats another he can't deal with is the fact that when you get married you don't have the freedom to do with your money what you want, we have rent & bills to pay.


He keeps saying that if he were 19 again he wouldn't be having these problems.

Also I should mention I have a Lung disease which is knew about as soon as he met me but apparently I am now too sick for him - I have the mildest form of this lung disease so I dont understand why he is saying this.

Over the past 5 days he hasn't spoken to the girl he is interested in, which I told him I was happy with, but he has continued to be distant.

And then today he told me he needs space from me so he can sort his head out.


He packed his bags and moved into his parents place, we have set boundaries and will catch up in a week with each other - I helped him pack to show I'm supporting him, but as soon as he drove away I broke down. He is my soul-mate, he is everything to me.


How do I survive the next week in a house all by myself? And is everything he is saying just excuses to get away without him being the bad guy? My parents think he is just too gutless to say that it's over. I feel as if I'm the only one trying.

Oh and to make matters worse, he leaves today and goes straight round to the birthday dinner of the girl who he has feelings for. I was meant to go but he said he needed space from me so all of my friends are there, and my husband, yet I'm left alone.

What do I do? I'm a good person. Why do horrible things happen to good people?
Stefon
 
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Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2014 3:28 pm

Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Kentigem » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:21 pm

Husband wants her but cant have her because of you, he said it himself. So he thinks with space or maybe even separation he will be free for her. Thats what it sounds like..
Tell him to not even come back. Hes playing you.
Kentigem
 
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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Claeg » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:23 pm

You should go to that birthday. You have the right to go wherever you want! Go to see whats going on. He is your husband he should respect you. Talk to him after and tell him that he needs to sort his act out and that if you knew he cheated hell would break lose
Claeg
 
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Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 8:32 am

Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Brit » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:27 pm

I just about cried reading this. You sound like you have been through alot and had issues in which your husband said he would support you through in the vows he made to you when you were married. First of all I think he is cruel not to go through with the IVF yet see it as a blessing at the moment as things need to be right before bringing a baby into the world. Secondly this woman is not a mutual friends as friends dont do that. She knows he is married and therefore she is not helping the situation either. To be honest I really think he wants out of the marriage. He sounds like he has left you emotionally and to stay with you would be wrong. Men are gutless when it comes to decisions like this so get used to it. I think you sound amazing that you are giving him his space. The trouble is we can never win. If you give him his space and helped him pack he will think you are not trying to fix things. On the other hand if you try and fix it he will also run. Men are sometimes more complicated than woman :) This sounds like a real shitty situation and I feel for you. In a week when you talk I think you need to clear things up about this other woman and ask what he wants from you as a wife. Ask him if he is willing to make things work or is it the end. Be straight up as you dont want to waste time on something that will never get better. The sooner you know the sooner you can move on. This other woman will be a brief fling but at least he will learn the hard way. I hope things work out
Brit
 
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Joined: Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:34 pm

Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Kelyn » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:30 pm

How sad for you...My brother just recently did the same thing to my sister-in-law...but without any of thhe truth being revealed beforehand. It really seems that he has let go and is moving on but trying somehow make it less painful for you by bullshitting you and saying whatever he needs to to "let you down easy" and make you shut up and get off his back. The week bullshit is just that. You seemed content and ok with that even helping him pack. Worked pretty well. He is done...you should be thankful you don't have a child with a man that gives so little of a ****. It will probably be the most difficult thing you could ever do... but you need to tell him to get fu*ked. Divorce his A*S....Take him for all you can get...and move on. You need to learn to love yourself, more than you love him. You need to get mad and get even. :) Anger is an easier emotion to live with than pain and devastation. Find things to help you through it...friends, family, people you know truly care about you. Hell...look up somebody from your distant past....maybe your soulmate is back there somewhere. Seek anything to be happy about. A phone call from a loved one, the sun in the sky, a flower blooming, a new friend, anything....Take care of you.
And make sure you look up the ten Paradoxical Commandments and live by the them. There is a book called "Anyway"...that goes into them deeper...Love yourself better than he does. You deserve more. You are worth more. Btw...Music is great therapy, but don't go listening to that sappy sh*t that will just make you sit there and bawl. Start with "I will survive"...ALL MY BEST :)
Kelyn
 
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Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2014 8:10 pm

Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Lorcan » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:31 pm

men are funny creatures.. you need to prepare yourself for the worst keep but hope for the best. you were fine before he came along and you will be just fine without him now. lord knows if you were still 19 you would have made some diffrent choices too. so this is my advice if you want to keep him pull yourself together. pretend like there is nothing wrong like you dont even know where he is or who hes with tonight. when you talk to him be your kind sweet self not angry or hurt that will push him away. now im not saying dont keep tabs on him but always pretend like you dont know. its hard as anything youll ever do but it works. that way when things dont go as planned with his midlife crises fling he comes back to you then you get your baby and just about anything else you want. but i will give you a word of caution if you do this once if you keep this door open it will never end. i have been playing this with my husband for three and a half years it works but it is not the same as it used to be and it never will be.. keep going with your treatment dont let anyone make you feel bad for getting help you need. as far as bad things happening to good people well there wouldnt be a heaven if earth was a wonderful place.
Lorcan
 
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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Wellington » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:35 pm

Things are not "happening" to you. You are helping them happen. You need to get some self confidence and some backbone IMMEDIATELY. So what if you have had issues, disorders or illnesses? These things do not define you. A good husband would be supporting you through these things not blaming you for his cheating, The last thing you need to do right now is to believe his story about not seeing that girl and needing "space". When a man says he needs space what he is really saying is that he wants his freedom to do as he pleases....with someone else. There is no reason in the world he should even be TALKING to this person. He took vows with you. He should be home working on his marriage. And your helping him pack and "showing support" is only showing him that you have low self esteem and are willing to be a doormat. You need to show him that you are not going to accept the way he is treating you because you are worth more and deserve better! Get up the courage to tell him to work on his marriage or hit the road. (and don't fret.....rebound relationships never work......he will be the one who will come out suffering in the end)
Wellington
 
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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Garanwyn » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:40 pm

It sounds like the "space" that he wants is a good excuse for him to have his cake and eat it too. I think he's definately reconnecting with the other girl. There's really nothing you can do. It's up to him what he wants to do. Let him have his fun. In a week you will see where you stand. Good luck.
Garanwyn
 
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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Winthrop » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:44 pm

Collect what dignity you have left and get an attorney. He has cheated before. He's cheating now. He's shaming you by introducing this woman to his family. This is WAY beyond repair. You are scared of being alone, starting fresh, new and letting go of the past but it's happening whether you are ready or not. So don't let him get the best of you. It will get better and some day you will be with a man who makes you happy, loves you and only you. I'm sorry you are going through this, my fiance did this to me in 2003 so I know what you are going through. It's a sick feeling but it does get better over time. I promise.
Winthrop
 
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Husband Wants Space, Has Moved Out For A Week - Is This The End?

Postby Gunn » Sun Sep 10, 2017 6:48 pm

Working backwards, bad things happen to all people not just good people.
Surely you know that this recent behavior on his part is all about his feelings for "the girl".
After the bloom of fresh romance, he'll likely remember all the things he loved about you, and he'll likely come crawling back.
Question is, will you want him back, and don't be so sure the answer will be "yes".
Plenty of time to think about it -- he might be gone a year, but more likely weeks or months.

I think your parents are right, he's lacking courage to be straight with you verbally, but the party he just went to proves he's not so much needing space to sort out his feelings as he's needing space to floozie around with chick pie.

Once the initial shock is behind you, you'll be fine -- there are many wonderful men out there, and I respectfully suggest you get busy dating.
It will make hubby jealous as all get out, which win't be the worst thing that could happen to him, and it will remind you that he isn't the only guy on the planet.

Don't collapse, don't panic.
You're not the first man or woman to go through this, and you won't be the last.
My experience has been, over 64 years of living, that as time goes by, the person who jumped ship to follow their hormones ends up much less happy than does the ex spouse.
Wait and watch.
Gunn
 
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Joined: Thu Mar 20, 2014 1:38 pm

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