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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

Postby Aiken » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:56 am

Well when I was younger (about ages 7 - 14) I think I had a mild form of compulsive overeating. At 15 I got to 192 lbs at 5"4. I had always had terrible self-confidence, kids would tease me sometimes in elementary and middle school, and even a few of my relatives would mention my weight and "how big I was".
At 13 & 14 almost attempted suicide and was put in a psychiatric hospital, also self-injured pretty severely.


When I was 15 I went on Jenny Craig and in about two years (yeah I know it took a long time) lost 50 or so lbs (healthily). But it was because of this that I started learning the whole "the less calories you eat, the more you'll lose" thing. So I started getting a little more concerned/watchful of how many calories I was eating, and starting to feel more and more guilty when I ate "bad" foods. When I was 16 was the first time I binged and purged. I don't know what came over me, I just had an urge to eat a whole bunch (I had gotten those for years), and I had learned to feel so guilty about eating so many calories that I decided I had to get rid of it. So I did.


Soon I started binging and purging several times a month, and by about 3 months after I had first binged and purged I was doing it about once a week. It was bad. By this time I was getting more and more obsessed and self-hating and exercising harder and I was just in a horrid place. It was so hard when I thought about food. After about 6 months I decided I'd try restricting instead. Needless to say I wasn't very good at it. The lowest I got was 200 calories a day and that was only once. Usually I was at about 900 - 1000 cals a day, running about 3 miles 4 times a week. I felt pathetic, weak, disgusting, ugly...horrible. I remember one night laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and just crying because this had overtaken my mind and my life. Most of my day was spent worrying about food and exercising and how I'll never be thin and able to control myself.


I told my therapist about 6/7 months into all of this, and soon my dad knew, and I went a couple to a special therapy group for eating disorders, but it was too expensive to keep on going. Since then I have been doing okay, I stopped restricting but still binged and purged, only maybe 1 a month or so.

I didn't get very low at all -- the lowest I got was 132 lbs. Now I'm about 138 - 140, still trying to get to 120, my original goal weight when I first joined Jenny Craig. Recently, though, the ED thoughts have been coming back.

Having an eating disorder is horrible, terrible, unbearable. You are absolutely miserable and will never feel good about yourself, or your life. Your mind is consumed by it, and every single DAY is hard because you have to eat sometime (no matter how many times you tell yourself you don't have to -- it's ridiculous but I would actually tell myself I didn't NEED to eat -- I knew deep down that was impossible, of course I need to eat, but my mind was so screwed up then, that was the ED talking). You'll spend forever trying to figure out what you will eat each day -- how many calories, carbs, fats have you already had; this has too many calories in it; but you really want it so maybe you'll have it only if you purge it later and don't eat anything else for the day and then work out extra hard tomorrow. It's just all-around...bad.

Sorry this was so drawn out.
Aiken
 
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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

Postby Lorimer » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:57 am

its hell. you have no idea
Lorimer
 
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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

Postby Jenilynn » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:58 am

Ive suffered from mal nutrition in the past and may be a slight case of bulimia but i learned to control it from the people at eatingdisorder.com.
Eating disorders are mostly in the mind, if you have the will power to get over it you will.
Jenilynn
 
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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

Postby Caddaham » Tue Apr 11, 2017 8:59 am

i have had bolemia before. i was miserable and felt so alone in the world. i thought i was the only person living this way. my father used to call me horrible names when i was young that this was seemingly the only way to take back some control. i viewed myself as huge when in reality i was underweight. it always seems like the real tiny girls are the most self-conscience. i hpe that if this is happening to you that you get help. your teeth can rot, you'll lose muscle mass the list just goes on. please seek help.
Caddaham
 
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Have You Ever Dealt With An Eating Disorder?

Postby Kolskeggr » Tue Apr 11, 2017 9:01 am

It's the most horrible thing in the entire world.

From my childhood on, I've had really bad anxiety and depression and when I was 12 went on a "diet."

Then I starting purging. 7 years later my teeth are messed up, I've been depressed and suicidal, nearly had a nervous breakdown, isolated myself, struggled with OCD and constant anxiety over social and food situations. I'm just starting therapy now but I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to look at food normally again.

Don't take eating disorders lightly. They ruin and kill lives.
Kolskeggr
 
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