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Depressed By Mean Insults And Accusations?

Depressed By Mean Insults And Accusations?

Postby Westun » Mon Aug 14, 2017 11:52 am

I'm pretty nice and sincere, almost too nice, generally smart but foolish in love. One ex called me 'f*****-up' because I was 'paranoid' about the relationsip (he was never very communicative) and I've never forgotten that, it hit me hard. I had a string of failed dating relationships after that. Recently another guy who kept leading me on and who I had a physical relationship with called me and my race 'monkeys' with every negative connotation of the word. The reason was he never really reciprocated my feelings and so apparently I made a fool of myself. I've had it and I just want to die. I don't know how to regain my self-respect, I did everything for these people and this was their payback to me.
Westun
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:07 pm

Depressed By Mean Insults And Accusations?

Postby Hawiovi » Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:02 pm

I know the 'monkey' taunt - a favourite on the football terraces in the Ukraine, when anyone with a pretty suntan has the ball. I've even heard it used against Frenchwomen, simply because they will not shave their armpits, because their culture considers it healthy and natural.

One image struck me last week, and that was a girl in Timbuktu, released from Islamist oppression by French invading liberators, and despite Muslim commandments not to, joyfully took off her hijab in respect to French secular traditions.
In front of the camera, she smiled and said "look at me, I am beautiful now".
Her skin was as black as night, her teeth like ivory, and her curly hair short around her skull. I love long hair myself, but watching her, I had to agree with her.
She was beautiful and I fancied her.

One big difference between my culture and African culture came to me in church.
The English like to pray in silence.
Their churches are serene and peaceful places.
My old village parson became a bishop in Africa and the village saw a video he made of his life there.
One thing the Africans cannot do is to pray quietly.
They dance and sing and shriek with delight, and are truly alive when they are in the house of God.
They must think we are all corpses when they come here to England!

In your case, maybe it is just cultural. You like to live your love and express it freely, and you expect your lovers to join in with your enthusiasm. What do you find - coldness and reserve and irritation at your exhuberance.
No wonder you are frustrated!

There is nothing wrong with you - all you need to do is not to fall in love with the first person who fancies your body, and instead find someone who can appreciate and love who you really are.
Hawiovi
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2014 6:16 am

Depressed By Mean Insults And Accusations?

Postby Constantin » Mon Aug 14, 2017 12:09 pm

I'm kind of getting the feeling that in these relationships you gave more than you got in return, even when things were going well.
It also sounds like you want to make things work out even if they are far from perfect.
Lastly, both guys you described seemed like they were pretty bad at honest and constructive communication with you.


You didn't make a fool of yourself, you bravely put yourself out there and your feelings were not returned, it was not your fault, it simply didn't work out and now there is room to find someone better for you, who will appreciate you for being you.
Constantin
 
Posts: 15
Joined: Sat Feb 22, 2014 4:24 pm


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